


Broken

by grassysvu67



Category: Better Call Saul (TV)
Genre: Angst, Better Call Saul - Freeform, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:21:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25320805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grassysvu67/pseuds/grassysvu67
Summary: Jimmy struggles with PTSD after his journey through the desert and run in with Lalo. Kim comes up with a way to help him through it.
Relationships: Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman/Kim Wexler
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two trash lawyers so I thought I would try writing a fic for them. I hope you enjoy!

Kim rolled over half asleep looking to snuggle next to Jimmy as she hoped to squeeze out a few more hours of sleep before she had to start her day. But Jimmy wasn’t in his usual spot on the bed. She sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she tried to get her bearings. She noticed the bathroom door was closed and the light was on. Kim got up and lightly tapped on the door.

“Jimmy?” Kim put her ear against the door to listen for any sign that Jimmy was in there. “Hey Jimmy? Are you okay?”

Silence.

Kim reached for the handle, thankfully it was unlocked, “Jimmy? I’m going to come in, okay?”

She opened the door to find Jimmy sitting on the floor of the bathroom. He looked up at her. His eyes were red and puffy. 

“Another nightmare?” Kim sat next to him on the floor.

Jimmy took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, “Yeah.” His voice was shaky.

“How long have you been in here?” She reached for his hand.

“Awhile, I guess.”

“You should have woke me up. I got worried when you weren’t in bed.”

Jimmy turned to look at Kim as the tears started to swell up in his eyes. He wanted to apologize for making her worry not just tonight but for those days he spent wandering the desert with Mike, for coming home beat up from his drop phone selling scheme. He wanted to apologize for dragging her into this mess he caused. He wanted to apologize because he felt like he was fucking up her life in a way she didn’t deserve. He wanted to apologize for being such a broken pathetic man who didn't deserve her. He couldn’t muster the energy to speak all the words he wanted to say. Instead all he could do was offer Kim a weak sorry before he found himself crying again.

Kim didn't say a word, she just squeezed his hand and leaned against him. She let him cry. She wanted him to let out his emotions instead of bottling them up. 

Jimmy sniffled and wiped eyes with the collar of his shirt. “Kim, I’m can’t keep doing this. I close my eyes and all I see is that gun pointed at my head and everything that happens plays out all over again. Sometimes, I don’t make. Sometimes you're with me and they go after you instead. And I can’t stop them. I can’t fucking stop them. When I’m awake, I worry that Lalo is gonna come back. I know Mike said not to worry but how can I not? Lalo came here. He came into our home and if he hurt you or even…” Jimmy couldn’t even complete his thought as he let out another muffled cry.

Kim reached out to wrap her arms and hug him tightly, “It’s okay, I’m here and we’re okay. I promise.” 

Kim pulled back and grabbed Jimmy’s hand and led him out of the bathroom towards their bedroom. “Let’s sit here for a bit together, okay?” 

Jimmy wiped the tears out of his eyes and nodded. 

As they sat on the edge of the bed, Kim held Jimmy’s hand as she studied his face. She had never seen him so broken before and in so much emotional pain. It was breaking her heart to see him this way. “Jimmy, do you want something to drink? A glass of water maybe?”

“No thank you,” he whispered. His voice sounded so small.

“I have an idea. Maybe, we should plan a trip or something to get away for the weekend? They say Taos is really nice…maybe we can drive up to Colorado?” Anything to get Jimmy out of his head.

Jimmy just shook his head. “I don’t think that will help.”

“Okay what will help?” Kim looked at him as she brushed some of his hair off to the side of his forehead.

“I don’t know anymore. I’m just so scared all the time. First it was your car accident, then our fight over Mesa Verde, and then this mess. This is all my fault. I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t lose you, Kim. I can’t lose you. I can’t…I’ve almost lost you twice…I just…I love you.”

“Lose me? The accident was over a year ago and I’m all healed. And hey, you’re stuck with me. Remember we’re married?” Kim gave him a slight smile before kissing his cheek, “We are in this together, for better or for worse, remember?”

Jimmy buried his face into Kim’s shoulder, “If anything ever happens to you and it’s my fault. Just what if I turn into Chuck or my dad?”

“Oh God, Jimmy,” She knew where Jimmy’s mind was heading, and it was breaking her heart. He rarely talked about Chuck these days let alone his dad. But Kim always could tell that their suicides weighed heavily on Jimmy’s mind. She tried over the years to get him to talk about it and even get help, but Jimmy always shut down. Everything that’s happened the past two weeks really triggered him. Tonight, he was spiraling badly. She needed to find a way to get him back to center.

“You aren’t your dad and you are certainly not your brother. I know you’re scared right now, and the nightmares are really awful, but they will go away. I promise. And I don’t plan on going anywhere either. I promise, Jimmy. I promise.” Kim rubbed the small of his back and kissed the top of his head. 

Jimmy was trembling in Kim’s arms. He was deep in the throes of an anxiety attack. Kim had an idea. She wasn’t sure if it would work but at this point it was all she had. She pulled back from Jimmy causing him to let out a pitiful whimper.

“Let’s try something. I think it will help make you feel better,” Kim said as she stood to remove her shirt revealing her bare chest.

“Jimmy, please look at me,” she whispered. Jimmy opened his eyes and looked up at Kim. He reached out and gently caressed Kim’s cheek. Kim responded by leaning into his touch. “Let me take your t-shirt off. I promise this will help make you feel better.” The tenderness in Kim’s voice made Jimmy tear up again. Jimmy lifted up his arms as Kim carefully peeled his shirt off of him. Even though his bruises and wounds were fading, they still caused him a great deal of pain if they weren’t careful. 

Once his shirt was off, Kim stepped close to him and wrapped her arms around him again. Jimmy leaned in and rested his head against her skin. Kim motioned for Jimmy to move so they could both climb into bed. They laid in bed facing each other. Kim moved as close as she physically could and pressed herself against his chest; skin to skin. She placed her hand over his heart and gently traced small circles into his chest hair. She could feel Jimmy’s heartbeat beneath her fingers. The anxiety had his heart racing and erratic. She hoped this would help calm him and ease him down.

Jimmy watched Kim touch him and it sent small waves of pleasure through his body. “Kim,” he whispered.

“Shh. Just close your eyes and focus on my touch. My skin touching your skin and how nice that feels. Focus on this.”

Jimmy nodded as he closed his eyes blocking out the intrusive thoughts and focusing just on Kim, the only person that mattered to him. Her touch, her warmth, her love. This is what he needed. 

She continued tracing small patterns in his chest hair as she felt heartrate come down and his breathing steadied. “Jimmy?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Kim.”

“Are you okay?”

“Not really but I know I will be.” Jimmy murmured as he drifted off to sleep.

“You will be, and I will be right here with you all the way. I promise,” Kim whispered.


End file.
